Econ 101

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.
All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.
But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little.. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.
The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away; no one will try or want to succeed.
Could not be any simpler than that....

New Color Codes

Recently, our new US Homeland Security Chief, Janet Napolitano, issued her intentions to alter or even eliminate the color-coded threat alert system put in place after the terror (whoops, man-made destruction) attacks of 9/11, according to the New York Daily News.
According to our sources, the new colors being considered are as follows:
Peach - everything is peachy keen meaning all plans to attack are still in the planning stage.... nothing to worry about.
Mauve - All plans for new man-made disasters are about to take place probably within days or weeks at the most. All US citizens should prepare for attacks by wearing traditional Muslin garb and flying flags of any Muslin nation in front of their homes. And then hope makers of man-made disasters might shoot you in the head rather than slowly cut off your head with a dull knife.
Pink - Man-made disasters are within hours. Follow the example of our Armed Forces and surrender immediately. And be relieved that our President has that middle name. He just might survive to be our Messiah.

Crime scene

Hofstra University Students Arrested on Drugs, Weapons Charges After Dramatic Dorm Heist
Saturday , March 28, 2009

HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — Hofstra University is reeling over the arrests of several students on drug and weapons charges after a showdown over cocaine in a school dorm room.
Police say the episode unfolded Thursday night when two 19-year-old students at the Long Island school burst into a fellow student's room carrying realistic looking pellet guns and grabbed drugs, jewelry and cash before escaping in a getaway car.
The robbery victim went to campus security, and wound up being charged himself with illegal drug sales. Police said he had been dealing pills, marijuana and cocaine out of his dorm.
An investigation led to the arrest of the students who wielded the pellet guns as well, along with a pair of alleged accomplices.

Are these intelligent college students? If so, our nation is in trouble. Perhapse they were attempting to be listed in the "World's Dumbest Crooks" competition. I can just imagine the desparate phone call to the police: "Hello... this is Harvy Kleck. I'm a student at Hofstra and live in the men's dorm. Some guys just broke into my room and stole my stash of illegal drugs and stolen jewery and all my cash from selling dope.
Please send help immediately!"

Korean missile launch

As the North Koreans get ready to test their latest ballistic missile, we should express our gratitude. This event will save the United States a bunch of money as we will not need to launch a target missile of our own in order to test our new anti-ballistic missile. Thanks, North Korea. Let us know when your glorious leader plans to take a walk in his garden and we will test our latest long-distance Predator unmaned drone.

No more terrorists

NEWS FLASH !!!

We have a new word that will no longer be tolerated. Janet Napolitano, Obama's new head of Homeland Security, has issued edict #840003222.
Henseforth, we will no longer refer to terrorists as terrorists. We don't want to encourage a feeling of fear. And we certainly don't want to insult those who wish to kill us in barbaric ways.
So now, we call terror "Manmade disasters" and terrorists will be called "Makers of Manmade Disasters."
Now, don't you feel less fearful and a lot more safe?
Please, to show you harbor no ill feelings toward makers of manmade disasters, why not invite a few over for a backyard barbeque this weekend. Be sure you don't serve any porkchops and keep all sharp knives 0ut of sight.

Parallels

Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack H. Obama:

1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois. Obama comes from Illinois.

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

9. Lincoln was born in the United States. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Enemy Combatants

It was reported today that Former President Elect Obama has issued Federal Edict # 39499 to wit:
"Henceforth, the term "enemy combatant" will be forever banned from the English language. All news media will be forbidden to use this offensive, racist, neo-con term referring to those Muslim freedom fighters struggling to push the Infidels out of Muslim lands. The fact that they may be shooting at US military forces and are out of uniform and have engaged in countless acts of suicide bombings and the killing of innocent civilians does not make these courageous and brave men any less deserving of our respect and humanity."

And to this I say, "ENEMY COMBATANT, ENEMY COMBATANT, ENEMY COMBATANT, ENEMY COMBATANT, ENEMY COMBATANT, ENEMY COMBATANT"

I now expect my 1040 tax return will be audited. I'm ready.

Dear Mr. President,

Dear President Obama,

Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know the ones down the street who in the good times refinanced their house several times and bought SUV's, ATV's, RV"s, a pool, a big plasma TV, two Wave Runnersand a Harley.

But I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then?

Poor Fox

P.S.They also need help with their credit cards, when do you want me to start making those payments?

P.P.S..I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?

Taxes

Your income taxes are normally due on April 15th. However, due to a recent change and for the next 4 years, they will not be due until you are nominated to a cabinet position. Please check with your CPA or Tax adviser to confirm.

Education for all

Original story:
Newsmax.com
Obama Proposes Cradle to Career Education for AllTuesday, March 10, 2009 7:18 AM
WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama is promising a "cradle-to-career" education for all Americans as well as stronger teacher standards and a reduced dropout rate.
Obama plans to call on people not just to educate their children but also to educate themselves when he speaks Tuesday at the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce in Washington. It is Obama's first major speech on education since taking office.
White House aides characterize the president's speech as a first step for an agenda to change American schools.
Aides say the president will call on people to make education a priority and give the country the highest proportion of college graduates in the world by the year 2020.

Translation of original story:
Obama proposes "Cradle to Career" education for all North Americans (including Mexico and Central America) as well as more teacher indoctrination and weeding out of any remaining conservative-leaning teachers and professors. Dropouts will be eliminated by giving diplomas to all regardless of academic achievement or attendance. "No longer will anyone be denied a college degree just because he/she failed to learn anything useful or go to class," said a White House aid on the condition of anonymity. A new federal printing facility will start construction in May, 2009 at an estimated cost of $74,000,000,000 as soon as construction union demands for 2X regular pay for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday wages are finalized. The new printing faciltiy will operate 24/7 to print all the new federal High School and College diplomas that will be needed by 2012.
By assuring a college diploma for all, it is hoped that the minimum wage can be raised to $47 per hour for all McDonald and Wal Mart employees.

Former President Elect

Are you getting tired of our new "President" yet? (rhetorical question)
Since it grates on my nerves to refer to him as our "President" , from here on I will be calling him our "Former President-Elect." Remember when he was so proud of that title that he even had a special podium made inscribed with "Office of the President Elect" for his speeches prior to his taking office. So, Obama can continue with that title.
Also, since his birth certificate has still not been verified and since there is no good reason why - if he has nothing to hide- he doesn't deserve the title of President in my opinion. Well, I can dream, can't I?